A Little Story

Before I get started, I just hope everyone realizes that I never try to preach on my blog. I never try to preach in real life, either, but especially on here. I simply relay things that I have learned in hopes that someone else will think, "Gee. That's cool. I'm glad I'm not the only one that ever feels that way." or "Hmmm. Interesting. Glad that's HER and not ME!"

Seriously, though.

So, every now and again, I get caught in a rut. You all probably know what I'm talking about. There are a million different kinds of ruts-- maybe you just can't stop eating fattening food, or you can't stop talking no matter how hard you try. Then there are the kinds of ruts that aren't as satisfying (momentarily) of eating your weight in cookies.

There's the rut of always looking down on yourself and others; insisting that you are the center of the universe; or consistently finding things to complain about. None of those ruts are fun. The particular rut I was in a few days ago was a hefty combo of all of the above listed. It was grrreat.

NOT. But I couldn't get out of it. Hence the name "rut", ya know?! It was deep and unending. Or so it seemed.

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I had no pride in myself or what I was (or wasn't) accomplishing each day. I couldn't convince myself to fold the laundry, so I just sat on my butt instead. I didn't want to touch the dishes, so I just sat on my butt instead. I didn't want to watch another movie or read anymore, so I just sat on my butt instead. Then I started to loathe sitting on my butt because it was all I was doing, seemingly all day long. But I had no motivation to do anything. So on my butt I stayed.

Then, the other day, Zoe was driving me up the wall and down the other side. She has this bad habit of sometimes running away once you let her outside. Not out of malice or because she wants to join the circus, but because she's so bored out of her mind that she wants to explore. But I don't want to explore when it's raining and 26 degrees outside. And so it frustrates me beyond belief when I'm yelling at the top of my lungs for her to come back and she's pretending to be deaf as a doorknob.

Selective hearing, I'm tellin' ya. Kids and dogs BOTH have it.

I had to bodily remove her from the neighbor's backyard this particular day, and I was NOT happy about it. She likes to put on the breaks and kick it in reverse when you try and drag her by her collar, and so when she did that yet again, I threw all caution (and common sense) to the wind and picked her up.  She's no lightweight pup these days, ya'll. But adrenaline is a beautiful thing, and I hardly noticed.

I got her about halfway into our backyard before she started to slip from my hands. I set her down and she took off into our backyard for a spirited game of "Bettcha Can't Catch Me Again!". We played that around the swing set until I was about to throw her over the fence into a pit of ravenous piranhas. {No, we don't have a pit of ravenous piranhas in our neighbor's yard, but I was willing to dig one.}

After I managed to get her inside, I was livid. Pretty sure fire was coming from every facial orifice simultaneously.  I was a beaut, I assure you.

I had to run a few errands, and so off I went. I'm surprised I didn't bulldoze any innocent people. VERY surprised, in fact. I'm sure it was only because I wasn't driving a bulldozer. . . A Suzuki Forrenza is good at, um, very few things, and bulldozing is certainly not anywhere on the list. I checked.

The moral of this story is that I refused to pray or exercise humility during my rant. I didn't want to. I didn't want to say "I'm sorry." and "I won't do it again!" I was being selfish, stubborn, and stupid.  Thankfully, the Lord hit me upside the head with a little thing called 'service'. I was able to see outside of my little universe for an evening, and it saved me!

But not before he showed me that there was a light at the end of my rut. I was tired of being a monstrous beast that was too irritated to even think straight yet alone accomplish anything worthwhile. I was tired of sitting on my butt in a dirty house. I was tired of not having the motivation to do anything. It was sooo old.

I unearthed my February Ensign from the bottom of a pile of bills, coupons, and the like and flipped open to where my highlighting stopped. I read one sentence, I was suddenly bowled over by the Spirit. As in, I put the Ensign down and teared up. It was literally a night and day difference between what I was feeling before. . .  I went from utter desperation and intense anger to indescribable peace and perfect comfort.  You hear about people describing the Holy Ghost as a warm blanket being wrapped around them. I was never one of those people. But that seems to be a good way to describe that it is a literal change when the Spirit touches your heart.

I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit and the good influence he is on my life. I'm so thankful for the peace and hope I received by taking the smallest initiative to turn back to the Lord. I knew then, at that second, that everything would be okay. I just needed to stay close to Heavenly Father and do my very best.

I'm not perfect. I'm so, so, so very flawed. But by trying to serve wholeheartedly and relying on the arm of the Lord, I was reminded that I don't have to be perfect right now. I just have to keep trying. I need to look outside of myself and give to others in order to be really happy.

Oh, and refrain from tossing my dog over any fences. ;)