Music Musings

Imagine me blowing approximately 6" of dust off of this blog.

{cough cough}

I'm so sorry, you guys. Where does all the time go?! I mean, come on. This is crazy.

. . . .

A large chunk of time lately has been spent rehearsing and recording a CD at a studio in Bountiful. Now, before you get all excited. . . it's nothing special. It was just one of my goals for the new year and I figured, hey, you're only young once.

I finally got the pieces of music tonight and I have a problem.

I am the worst critic of myself.

Like, ever. In the history of ever.

. . . .

My tummy did a somersault and filled with butterflies when I saw the illusive e-mail in my inbox. MY FILES! My final files! Bless their hearts. There they were. All squeaky clean and unopened in my inbox. I rapidly downloaded them and nervously clicked on numero uno.

Would I love them? Hate them? Would I sound like a squeaky weirdo?

Well, I wasn't about to find out because ol' Murphy can't make it too easy.

All of the files were sent over as WAV files, and, of course, my computer doesn't recognize WAV files. Duh. Why would it?

I finally found an acceptable converter and sent the files through the gauntlet to be molded and smooshed and changed over to mp3 files. Once completed, I nervously clicked on the first track.

Again.

I thought that surely I had mis-clicked and that someone else playing. It sounded much too awesome! I was so dumbstruck that I literally double checked where I clicked and then mumbled, "That's MEEEE?"

I could practically hear the angels singing. Well, the angels in my head, anyway. I couldn't believe it! YAY! Once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I clicked on the next track. But then "IT" began.

{insert super dramatic "bad guy" music here}

A note that wasn't quiiiiiite on pitch. A rhythm that wasn't quiiiiite as it should have been.

Oh, NO.

A flip had been switched in my head and there was no going back.

Next track. Same self-degrading ears attuned to anything slightly amiss. I might as well have been a ginormous satellite specifically calibrated to detect the slightest anomaly in sound waves and syncopation. A satellite set to self-destruct, mind you.

Soon, I was convinced I had made a huge mistake and wasted everyone's time and money {I've been taking on private students and performing in order to pay for this venture. . . but it still felt like I'm spending Husband's hard earned cash}. A couple tracks down the line and I vowed no one but immediate family would ever hear these pieces. Family that I could somehow blackmail into silence.

I pretended to go on with my life and started to cook dinner. However, I just stared blankly at it on the stove top because I was too busy listening for wrong notes as the tracks played in the background.

You probably think I'm kidding. But, no. I was like a zombie.

I cried a bit.

. . .

But then I took a chill pill, ate something {being "hangry" was never good for anyone. Ever. Except for maybe cavemen} and tried listening to them again.

And let me tell ya. It's going to take an entire bottle of chill pills. . . plus maybe a refill or two. . . but I think I'll be quite pleased with the CD. I just need to remember that 1) I'm not a professional and never claimed to be; 2) professionals have the time/money/resources to have every single note fixed perfectly before their CD is released; 3) this CD isn't going to be mass produced and shipped off to music critics the world over. It's for friends and family. People who love me and know how to turn down the sound. ;)

I heard a quote from a friend a while back and as soon as I heard it, I thought, "YES. That's being handed out with my CD."

{photo source}

 . . . 

On that same vein, there's something I usually always end up telling my private students at some point. It's nothing profound or eloquent, but hopefully it gets the point across and gives them courage when they need it.

"There will always be someone who's better than you. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just do the best you can and leave it at that."

And it's true.

I would hate it if someone listened to me play and thought, "Oh, she's too good. I'm not even going to try."

Um, no.

So no matter what it is you do, DO IT {unless your a crazy person that likes to kidnap kitties or something}. Please don't be a satellite of despair. Life's too short to beat yourself up. Take it from me.

. . . .