Friday, March 21, 2014

The Library Trip of Doom

I was thinkin' I was all cool and decided to go to the library and scrounge up a book this morning. I really should have known better because searching for a decent and interesting read with JUST Hannah in tow was torturous. Having to lug around a bulky car seat full of sleeping baby and Hannah was a recipe for disaster, but was I to be dissuaded?


My love of literature clearly clouded my judgement. :)

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{photo source}
. . .

It all started to go wrong in the parking lot when my maternity pants started to slide down my bum and I didn't have a free hand to pull them back up. You may find yourself asking, "Jessica, why are you wearing maternity pants five weeks after giving birth?" Well, it's simple. I only have three pairs of pants in my possession at the current moment-- a pair of skinny jeans, an old decrepit pair that have miraculously avoided getting "holey", and my maternity pants. I'm scared of my skinny jeans currently {SKINNY jeans, you see} and Old Reliable was dirty. Thus the maternity pants.

Bad idea. I would have been better off in a towel.

Things escalated rather rapidly when Hannah's shoe fell off before we reached the entrance. I managed to pop it back on after a brief pit stop, but we only made it a handful of steps before it fell off again. Apparently I need to revisit "How To Secure Velcro 101" and study up. While I was busy trying to outsmart the inanimate object that was so obviously kicking my trash, Curtis' car seat cover kept blowing all over the place, exposing him to a rather nippy breeze {although he was wrapped up in a warm car seat blanket, I'm still a little paranoid}.

Son of a gun.

We finally managed to enter the premises and make our way to the fiction section. Trying to talk Hannah out of pulling every single book off the shelf is like trying to talk the rain out of falling. . . so I tried to be swift and pick a good book in 12 seconds all while fending off Hannah's attempts at reorganization.

60 seconds later, I was still frantically trying to find a book that didn't sound dumb. Hannah had managed to dislodge many a book, but she made sure to take a long gander at the only book on the entire shelf with a half nekked man on the cover. What are the odds?!? I mean, come on. Throw me a bone here.

I settled on a novel after reading about four words of the synopsis and all but sprinted to the checkout counter.

As we made our way to the car, Hannah wiggled from my hand-hold and made a bid for freedom. . . twice. {You should see me try to run after a kid in flip flops while carrying a car seat. It ain't pretty. I imagine it looks a lot like my feeble attempts at dancing. . .Which is probably why I avoided school dances like the plague. But I digress.}

An annoying little dog cooped up in a nearby car decided to be the cherry on top of my glorious library excursion and yip at me as if his life depending on it as I buckled the kids in. I may or may not have shot him a crusty look or two, but he missed the "you're irritating" memo. They often do, I'm afraid.

I arrived home in one piece only to find that the book-- the book I subjected myself to all this hassle for-- is a total flop. I think I read about two pages before hanging my head in defeat.

Next time? I'm bribing my husband with new car parts and flyin' solo. ;)


  1. I was crying laughing through this whole thing. You and your family crack me up. Can't wait to see you again :)

    1. I miss you SO much, lady! I'm glad we can keep in touch on the handy Internet in between our visits. :)


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