Behold the Glory. . .

Just recently, I traveled down yonder to my mom's house and picked up a few boxes of my various crap. You know, the stuff that has been passed from box to box for years on end because no one wants to throw it away, but you have no where to put it.

A lot of the boxes were full of old books, pictures, and school work.

Now, before I get around to the really good stuff, I just have to share one of the pictures I found. Because you will laugh your head off. I know I did.

Oh, yes, my friends. How can you not love that smile?! 

Ahem.

Moving on.

I came across a story that I wrote at age 10 (5th grade). I nearly peed my pants I was laughing so hard. I have no clue if this was for school or just because I thought I was cool and should write a random story. I have definitely been known to do the latter many a time during my existence, so it wouldn't surprise me. But at any rate, it was just too darn funny to keep to myself. 

I've kept most all of the grammar and spelling as is. . . just be warned :)

"Jessica the Super Women"

{catchy, eh?}

"Jessica was sipping lemonade on the warm day of March. {March is WARM?! Where was I living?} 'Wow! I actually have a day off! So cool!' Jessica sat back and pushed up her sunglasses. All of a sudden she heard a cry. 'Oh dear! Who is crying!' Jessica got up and walked over to the bushes where she heard the cry. 'Wait! It's my day off. I'm not the Super Women today.' She walked back to her lawn chair. She took a big sip of lemonade and laid down, trying to ignore the crying. After about 15 min, Jessica slid her sunglasses down to the end of her nose.

"'That person can cry very loud, maybe I should help them.' Jessica waked over to the bushes. She peeked through the bushes and saw a little girl weeping as hard as a elephant loves peanuts. {Dudes. Don't even ask. I have no idea. I liked comparisons, okay?!?} 'What's the matter little girl?'

'I lost my little puppy.' 'What does he look like?' Jessica whipped out her note book and her broken-in-half-by-a-mean-dog pencil (taped together) and wrote all the information down. 'Okay, I'll look for your dog.'

"Jessica waked back to her lawn chair and said, 'I can't believe I just did that on my day off.' In the morning Jessica knew she didn't have this day off, so she walked over to her Help List and looked on it. The first thing was to help a little girl find her lost puppy. Off Jessica went to find the little lost puppy. She flew South, West, North, East. . . And didn't find a thing. She flew over to the Super People rest stop. 'I'll have a lemonade, please.' {I was apparently an addict.} She wandered over to a table next to Super Man and said, 'Yesterday was my day off of the week and guess what I ended up doing?'

'What?'

"I ended up promising a little girl that I'd find her little lost puppy. I mean it's ridiculous. What Super Hero looks for a little girls puppy on their day off!'

'But it's not your day off any more.'

'Oh, ya.'

'Here's your lemonade, Super Women.'

'Thanks.'

"Jessica sipped down her lemonade as quickly as the little girl lost her puppy. Jessica decided to search North, South, East and West all over again. By the time she was tired Jessica had covered the earth 5 times. 'Well, that little girls puppy is either hiding in some really good hiding spot which my x-ray vision failed to spot, or that dogs in. . .  SPACE!!!!' Jessica sat down by an old homeless man and thought. She thought so hard she ended up throwing the old homeless man a perfectly ripe apple. {I crack up every single time I read that sentence. I have NO clue.} 

"'What can I do?' Jessica said. The homeless man said, 'Why don't you go in outer space and bring the dog back to the little girl?'

'Why, that's a pretty darn good idea old man, thanks!' {I'm such a nice and thoughtful super hero...}

And with that Jessica flew off. . . and into a sky scrapper. After she recovered from that, and got some ice for the big bump on her head she was off again. Jessica flew like a bird in the sky, she might not be too coordinated, but she makes her bloopers look good. 'Now to go get that little girls puppy and get to my next day off as soon as possible, to take care of my big bump on my head.' And with that she took off into outer space to get the puppy. Making sure no sky scrapers were around, she flew at lightning speed into the atmosphere (to prevent nose bleed). {Naturally.}

"After talking to about 5 marchings {That would be Martians, Jessica, dear}, Jessica found a handy-dandy-outer-space-map to help her to all the planets. 'First I'll check Pluto (you know how dogs love Pluto). Jessica flew the 65,000 miles to Pluto in less than 5. . . hours? Anyway, the main thing is she got there. After getting there, Jessica pulled out her special dog seeing glasses and started to look. After covering the planet more than 5 times {I must have like the number 5. . . } she finally came to the conclusion the dog was NOT on the planet, she pulled out her handy-dandy-outer-space-map and looked for the next planet. 'Well, there's always Mars!' 

"And with that, Jessica flew like light to Mars and met the ground thoroughly, she whipped out her glasses and looked. After covering that planet 3 times, she knew the dog was not there. Before she could fly to her next planet, she heard a terrifying screech about 10 feet behind her. After she slowly turned around and saw the most terrifying space monster she had EVER seen in her eternal life {tee hee!} 

"It growled. Jessica tried to hand it a tissue (thinking it was going to sneeze), and it pounced on her. After putting up a fight, Jessica curled up in a ball and after a while of being a basketball, the horrifying monster left. Jessica unrolled, being cut, bruised and bounced. Jessica could fly as fast as a snail.

"After covering all the planets, Jessica slowly returned to Earth. She sadly walked to her favorite place, next to the old homeless man. She sat down next to him, not noticing the thing asleep on his lap. 'I can't find that little girl and say I didn't find her puppy.' Jessica said. The homeless man lightly tapped Jessica on the shoulder. 'What!' Jessica hollered. The old man put a finger to his lips and pointed to the silent, sleeping puppy on his lap. 'I found him wandering by the hot dog stand.' said the old man. A smile was spread on his face.

The End."