Oh, Wal-Mart.

I have to share a story with you all.

I thought about titling this post "My Escapade to Secure My Hubby's Favorite Beverage for the Day Dedicated to Fathers" but thought that would give too much away. ;)

I went to Wal-Mart this morning to get a handful of things, most of which were to be given to Chuck for Father's Day. The one thing I knew I couldn't leave without? IBC Root beer.

{source}

The man loves it.

Now, you need to understand how just about EVERY Wal-Mart shopping experience goes for me. . . especially this one. And what better way to illustrate than with an illustration?

The one thing I hate worse than being stuck behind a slow, inconsiderate, annoying driver is being stuck behind a slow, inconsiderate, annoying shopper at Wallie World. Seriously? If all four of your cart's wheels were trying to go in different directions, you'd still move faster than the people I ran into today.  And, of course, about forty people decided that they had to park their shopping cart in the MIDDLE of the aisle while they yapped on the phone and browsed the opposite side of the aisle.

At any rate, I made a beeline for the root beer and saw it out of the corner of my eye as I whizzed by. Ya see, I was headed to the spot they had it before, but apparently they'd moved it since I was there last.  I wanted to make good and sure it wasn't just my imagination, however, so I continued to the previous spot and then quickly glanced down the next aisle to make sure they weren't hiding it down there. While I was doing that, a lady passed me and headed down to the spot the root beer resided.

Uh oh.

I stood there watching her slowly browse the IBC section, running her hand along the top of the LAST.  REMAINING.  IBC.  ROOT BEER.

I started to sweat.

I contemplated tackling her, but not wishing to make a scene prematurely, I waited to see if she chose something else.

She continued to meditate with her hand atop the root beer for a minute, and then snatched it from its shelf and clung to it like it was gold while continuing to browse.

What the heck, lady?

Rude.

I ran my shopping cart into hers, threw Hannah's binkie at her head to distract her, and then kicked her in the shin and bolted away with the root beer. If you need some pointers about shopping center confrontations, just e-mail me. I can give you some fail-proof tips.

I'm totally kidding.

I merely sulked by her with my head down and went along my merry way, swerving around other annoying people until I could make my escape to the Harmon's down the street.

This is how my experience went {and usually does} at Harmon's:

In and out. Wham. Can you hear the angels singing?

And, no, I didn't plan on my foot path looking like a duck. But is that awesome or what? Yeah. I've got skills.

I tried not to focus on the fact that I'm sure the root beer at Harmon's cost about 900% more. Eh. Oh, well.

Anything for the man I love.