True Love: An Experience To Remember

This post has been rummaging around in my mind for almost 8 months now, so I figured it was finally time to set it free. The reason I have put off writing it for so long is because I'm not sure how to put it into words, and I didn't want to cheapen the experience. It's a special one that I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my existence {which, let's face it, is a long time}. But, ultimately, I felt that I needed to get it out there and share it. Here's to hoping it will brighten, enlighten, or strengthen.

It happened right after Hannah was born. . . I think it was later the same day. We were hanging out in the recovery room and I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted, yes, but I couldn't sleep. I'm sure other mothers can attest to a similar circumstance! :) I was too excited and amazed at what had just taken place. I'm sure I had enough adrenaline still pumping through my body to fuel an entire army for a month.

So, while Chuck caught some 'zzz's on the lovely couch-bed-thingy across the room, I laid on those soft-yet-awfully-lumpy-and-not-very-comfortable hospital pillows and stared at Hannah in her hospital bed. As I stared at my little miracle, peacefully asleep, I was suddenly and acutely overcome with gratitude for the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

It was a sacred moment that I will never forget.

You see, when I usually think of the Atonement, I think of sins and weaknesses and how we can be forgiven as we repent and mend our ways. I admit to being guilty of not ruminating very often on how the Atonement means SO MUCH more than that. Our very existence on this earth is a result of the Atonement. Had Jesus Christ not come to live on the Earth and perform the works that he did, we wouldn't have what we do.

As I stared at Hannah that day, I didn't understand how in the world I could be so very blessed. I felt as though I didn't deserve to be called 'mother' by someone so perfect, sweet, and pure. I felt inadequate for the task ahead of me. . . my ignorance was overpowering! But that peace from the Holy Spirit quickly overcame all of my fear and replaced it with a calm assurance that I was, indeed, prepared. I would make mistakes, but I was to be her mother. He blessed me with the qualities, abilities, and the very nature to care for this precious daughter of God.

I finally understood.

I finally understood what kind of love Heavenly Father was referring to when He said in John 15:13: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

I finally understood, in acute detail, how the Atonement blesses our lives more than our mortal minds can comprehend. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have given us everything! I know that because whenever I think about it, I get butterflies in my heart. {Weird, I know. But true. It's how I know something is true, right, and from our Heavenly Father.}

I finally understood {to a very minimal degree} what it must feel like for Heavenly Father to love each one of us with such ferocity that it hurts when we do something wrong or disregard Him as a thing of naught.

I also finally understood that, without the Atonement, I would not have my daughter. She would never have been born because such a thing would not have been possible, and I would not have been able to experience that overwhelming love.

I tried to imagine what my daughter had just seen before arriving on Earth to be placed in my arms. I tried to imagine just how very precious she is to Heavenly Father, and how excited she must have been for it to be her turn to get a mortal body. I tried to imagine what good she will accomplish in her lifetime, and whose lives she will touch.

I don't know the answer to those questions, but what I do know is that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are very real, and they are aware of everything that is going on in our lives. They wish to bless us and give us the knowledge and subsequent wisdom that will enable us to be happy all of our days, despite trials and burdens placed upon us.

I will be forever grateful for that experience in that quiet, dark hospital room, so close to Heaven at that moment, that provided me with a tiny glimpse of the potential of true love.