The Adjustment

Two kids.

I have two of them now.

Children. Plural. How weird is that?! I'm still getting used to it. . . obviously.

In honor of today marking the two-week anniversary of Curtis' arrival, I thought I'd write a little post about how things have been going thus far.

. . .

I would love to say that this post will be stuffed to the gills with happy, funny, plucky intell all about how seamlessly I've adjusted and what a marvelous job I'm doing keeping both kiddos from meeting certain death. But in reality, it's going to swing more toward the "Hmmmm. . . this is tricky and I'm not very good at it" side of the spectrum. In fact, I have to remind myself about every 20 minutes that locking Hannah in the basement and laying on the couch in the fetal position isn't the best option, albeit the most tempting.

I would love to say that my body is already back to normal and I can hardly wait for the go-ahead to bust out the Pilates DVDs and tone up my abs to their former glory {psssh! What glory?}. But in reality, my body has divulged some interesting traits that I missed out on the first time around. . . and would much rather never see again. :) Also, if you know me very well you probably also know that Pilates and I shared a love-hate relationship through most of my college years and I was never very good at it. In fact, I just donated my Pilates mat to my local thrift store.

R.I.P, little mat. Go on to make others' dreams come true.

. . .

I'll admit-- the first couple days home were great! The sleep deprivation hadn't set in yet because I had braced myself for the worst. Hannah, bless her heart, cried ALL. THE. TIME. and spit up most everything she ate ALL. THE. TIME. She had a really hard time eating anything at all and trying to get her to nurse was a joke. One my boobies did not appreciate, mind you.

With Curtis, I was ultimately prepared to cry and cuss all night long just like before. But, hark, he actually nurses and keeps down what he eats. He only cries when he's hungry and then he usually goes right back to sleep {heavy emphasis on the "usually" because he definitely still prefers to be a night owl}. It's still strange to have a baby who isn't incessantly wailing with superhuman endurance.

Basically, I thought I was golden for those first few days. "I can totally do this! This isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."

Mmmmm-hmmm.

Then Chuck went back to work {after a week and a half off} and stayed late to help compensate for the overtime he'd missed out on. The first day on my own wasn't so bad. The second day? Trickier. The third day? I thought I was gonna die. I had to load the kids up for a random 15 minute drive because I HAD to get out of the house.

Granted, Hannah has still been very patient with Curtis. I can't complain there. She hasn't shown any hostility or jealousy. HOWEVER. . . she thinks it's pretty darn neat that I can't enforce rules while feeding baby brother {which happens to be, like, four hundred times a day}. And, man oh man, does that girl like to push her boundaries and see how quickly she can get me to short-circuit.

Some days, I'm pretty sure my fuse is already smoking before I even get her out of her jammies. I feel like a horrible, impatient, awful mom! I'm serious, you guys. It's bad.

I really need to do better at balancing my new responsibilities and taking the time to show Hannah that I love her {even though she makes me want to drink hand sanitizer by 9:00 in the morning}. I need to spend more time reading her books or doing puzzles and less time watching reality TV shows {but, dang, they're just so great for those seemingly-endless feeding sessions}. Instead of popping a gasket whenever she gets into mischief {again}, I need to remember that she's only 2 and mischief is programmed in her code.

I also need to remember to cut myself some slack. This is a huge adjustment and one that will take some time. I don't need to have it all together right now and I certainly don't need to be perfect. The way I see it, I can either get my panties in a knot and be an ornery woman 24/7 while I adjust, or I can relax and pick my battles. Hannah's hair might not be stellar every day and I might be wearing the same three shirts over and over throughout the week {don't worry, I do laundry}, but so what?

I need to do what I need to do and let the rest slide for a while.

So, by golly, I'm going to try reeeeaaaalllllyyyy hard to be more patient with my insanely willful and headstrong toddler tomorrow. I'm going to try and see things through her eyes and put myself in her shoes. I'm going to kiss Curtis' head even more and snuggle him even closer because I can already see how quickly he is growing. I will never have these moments back and if I insist on spending them cheaply with a poor attitude, I will never stop regretting it.

{photo source}

So here's to trying again. Here's to learning and relearning what it means to be a mother. . . because I need all the practice I can get! :)